It is sometimes quite stressful to type, knowing I'm under the scrutiny of people who read this space. Because it feels as if I have to type something that is politically correct, even the emotions.

Most of the time I end up posting something even if it is not so politically incorrect, because I want to be heard sometimes (for my own satisfaction) [by how many, I do not know]

Typing here therefore forces one to analyse the situation in many more angles (which can get really tiring but is good when there needs to be more emphasis on objectivity), whereas the comforting diary allows the pouring out of emotions (though I'm making it a point to not lose my train of thought and end up ranting instead of reflecting)

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Whenever I post something up here, and think of why I did not post whatever is written in my diary (I do not like the word 'diary', but it isn't a journal either..), I feel as though people see only [THIS] side of me and think this blog and myself in real life makes me complete.

Whenever I think of this, I tend to be selective in whatever I post up here. Then I think, what if I type too much and people do not even bother to find out who I am? Highly likely situation, how self-absorbed is this blog?

Why am I so afraid of people not knowing who I am? (of course, I am in control of what they can see). Afraid that they'll lose interest in me as a person, a friend, afraid that we won't connect so well if they don't want to find out more about me?

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- I actually replied the "I"s with "you"s for the fear of sounding too self absorbed at first. I wonder if there was a need to.